


You Were the One

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandonment, F/M, Fear of loss, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 09:36:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16302683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Dean comes face to face with you after a long time apart





	You Were the One

Frozen. Everything around you was completely still, and you saw nothing but the man standing in the doorway to your bedroom. The world around you stopped. The smell of death and blood hanging in the air wasn’t apparent to you any longer. You didn’t feel the cold night air biting your skin. You barely heard the voice roaring through the room asking if you were okay, if you were all okay.

A sharp cry sounded through the house, and you snapped back to reality. You broke away from his gaze, sprinting through the room past the tall brown haired man in the doorway. Sam. The man that had been like a brother to you. The man you had confided everything in, everything except the thing that had mattered the most. You ran down the hallway with his voice ringing after you, insuring you your son was okay. You knew that Sam had checked on him before coming to see you. Of course you knew that, but you still had to see him with your own eyes. You had almost lost your heart tonight, what was left of it anyway. It was held by your son, Charles Dean Y/L/N. Charlie for short. Named after your late best friend and his father.

The man you had never thought you’d see again stood in the doorway when you turned around with your son in your arms. You knew he was coming, but seeing him stand merely feet away from you still  made your heart leap out of your chest. You had no idea what to do or say. This was your decision, and now you were going to have to face the consequences of it. His eyes weren’t on you. They were fixated on the baby in your arms. This had not been the way it was suppose to happen. This was not the way you had wanted him to find out.

The look of disbelief on Dean’s face broke your heart all over again. You had been broken when you left him, as broken as he had been even if you had been the one to walk away. Everything you had said had been wrong. You had been wrong in leaving him, in lying to him about the reasons. You should have given him a chance. You should have given you a chance.

_“Y/N, I am sorry. She doesn’t mean anything to me. Not like that,” Dean pleaded with you as he stood in the middle of your shared room in the Bunker, watching you pack up your belongings._

_“You kissed her Dean. And I forgave it. But your deepest darkest desire?” You had tears in your eyes as you hissed at him. Not because you believed that she mattered to him in the way you were implying but because hurting him hurt you more than any monster or demon you had ever fought could have._

_The pain in his voice tore at your heart. You knew you couldn’t make him leave you. You couldn’t make him not want you. He loved you with all he had, and he would always come after you unless you blamed him. Unless you broke him, using everything you knew about him against him. You pretended you didn’t trust him. You pretended this was about Amara, about everything that had happened between you when he bore the Mark. You pretended you were scared he would chose her over you and Sam, when in reality you knew he never would. You knew the pull she had on him had nothing to do with lust or love. He told you this over and over as you packed in silence. You listened to Dean desperately trying to explain himself, fighting for you to stay with him. You turned to face him, to plunge the dagger into his heart as well as your own with your words. You had made your decision, and you needed to follow through with it._

_“Dean, it is over. You were never good for me. My parents are dead. My sister is dead. The only thing that keeps me in this life is a man that hurt me,” you spoke, and you saw the tears build in Dean’s eyes as you fought your own. “I know you say it was the Mark, but it was you, Dean. You were there one that beat me so badly I wouldn’t be able to walk or see for months if it hadn’t been of Cas. Dean, you broke me. I know I said I still loved you. I do, but I can’t trust you. Not hunting. Not when it comes to her. Dean, we are done.”_

_You walked past Dean as he stood nailed to the spot, and everything in you screamed at you to go back to him. Your heart screamed at you to tell him the truth, to take back everything you had said, but you couldn’t. You were pregnant, and Amara wanted Dean. You had no earthly idea what the sister of God would even begin to think if she found out he was having a child._

You told yourself this was best for everyone involved. It would keep your son safe. It would keep Dean safe, or at least you hoped so. It was okay. Dean never wanted kids anyway. You knew that was a lie. It was a line you had to tell yourself over and over again. Having attachments scared Dean. Dean was afraid of failing a child if he ever had one. He was afraid he would turn into a drill sergeant and not the father he wanted to be. He was sure the child and you would get killed because of him, but Dean wanted kids. He loved kids, and despite what he thought himself, you knew he would be a wonderful dad. You just couldn’t risk it. Not right now. Not with Amara still free. Your son had to be your first priority. You had to keep him safe. Not from Dean, but from the deity that thought she owned the love of your life.

You weren’t scared of Amara. Not for you. Not for Dean. You had been ready to fight her to keep not only the world, but Dean safe, but you couldn’t. Not any more. You had more than yourself to think about know. You knew Dean would agree with you. Only, you couldn’t tell him. If you did she would know. She would call him to her, read his mind and know. She would know, and there would be nowhere for you to hide. She would find you no matter where you went.

So you left the only man you had ever loved. Leaving him broken and in tears behind you. He was all you had ever known or wanted. The only safety. The only happiness. He had given you everything, and now you took everything from him.

Having him so close and yet so far away felt unbearable. Your entire body ached for him. TO feel his arms around you again, but your mind only waited for him to storm out. To leave you behind for good. Dean had never wanted children. He hadn’t wanted to bring anyone else into this life with him. He didn’t want another life on his conscience. You were different. You were already in the life. You were born into it even more than he was. You had never known anything but the hunting life. You weren’t sure it was all that bad, unlike Dean, but when you had left, you had chosen to go find the life Dean had wanted for you. The life you knew he would have wanted for your son.

It wasn’t that you missed hunting or hated working at a bookstore. It wasn’t that you hated your home and the quiet evenings, but even with your son, something was missing. It hadn’t been hunting like you had thought at first. You had quickly decided to go out on a quick salt and burn while a colleague watched your infant boy not long after Charlie was born, but all you had accomplished by that was making the hole inside you grow. It wasn’t hunting that you missed. It was the man that had been by your side over the past 5 years when you did it. Your partner, your friend, your love and the father of your son. Dean Winchester.

You swallowed harshly as your eyes met Dean’s. You were ready for the faint hope you had held onto to come crashing down around you. You were ready for Dean to scream at you for lying, for betraying him, for keep his son and the knowledge of him from Dean for a little over a year. You thought you were ready, but what you had never been ready for was the love and adoration in his eyes. You hadn’t expected the slow, almost hesitant steps he made as he moved towards you.

“I’m sorry. I had noone else to call. The demons they were everywhere… I was afraid they would…” you stuttered, not sure what to say. Not sure how to even begin to explain yourself to him. Not when he looked at you like that. Especially not when he looked at you like that. Screaming would have been easier. Him walking away in anger would have been bearable. The love in his eyes wasn’t. You no longer deserved that look from him. Not after everything you had done to prevent him from knowing about his son. Not after walking away from him in that way.

“Can I?” Dean reached out silently asking your permission to hold his son. It wasn’t a wish you could refuse him even if you had wanted too. It no longer mattered if he was a part of Charlie’s life. He knew about him. That was all she needed to know too. You knew Dean would love him. You knew Sam would keep him safe from Amara even if Dean couldn’t. You just weren’t sure where you fit into your son’s life anymore, because you were sure Dean wouldn’t want you anywhere near him ever again.

You watched with tears in your eyes as Dean gently cradled your son in his arms. He smiled, gently cooing at the baby, telling him everything was going to be okay. You had dreamed of this moment some many times before. The only difference was you still weren’t a family. Just because Dean loved his son instantly, it didn’t mean you would ever be able to forgive you for what you had done. You heart was breaking with the knowledge.  

“I have a son.” Dean’s eyes were glassy when they met yours again, but there were no anger or hate in them. How could he not hate you for what you had done?

You nodded silently, waiting for the realisation to hit him,  for the anger to come. For him to leave you broken and crying behind this time. For him to take your son from you like you had from him 15 months ago.

“What’s his name?” Dean’s eyes left you as he studied the little human in his arms, holding him like he was a fragile treasure, because he was. To you and Dean both.

“Charlie…” You took a deep breath as you watched Dean freeze a little, but he never looked away from his son. “Charles Dean Y/L/N,” you offered and Dean smiled, stopping your heart with the tender look he sent you.

“You named him after Charlie and me?” the surprise in his voice was evident, but you only shrugged. You had never been in doubt when it came to that name. “You were two of of the three most important people in my life and having Sam tossed in there would just sound weird.”

Dean let out a small laugh taking you completely by surprise, making you smile a little before his words pulled you back to reality. “Well if the next one is a girl we could always name her Samantha.”

His words were like a bucket of cold water to the face. You would have taken the anger the Mark had brought with it over him taunting you like this. How could he speak to you as if nothing had ever happened? As if you had never left? Your mind was racing, making up scenarios of how Dean was going to turn on you in a second. Tell you he could never trust you again, and mean it. After all, you had done that to him not all that long. It had been a little over a year, but it still felt like a different lifetime. A life that you had left knowing you’d never be able to return too, just like you knew this life was now over. Life in the suburbs with your son.

“Dean,” his expression instantly changed as he saw the tears in your eyes, “don’t do this. I know what I did. I know you must hate me. You don’t have to pretend you don’t. Now you know. He is your son so just take him and go. Break me like I broke you.”

“Y/N!” Dean’s voice echoed through the halls behind you as you ran past him, down the stairs and out into the night. You didn’t hear Dean put down your son. You didn’t hear the orders of watching the baby he barked at Sam, before running after you into the night. You didn’t even realize he had followed you until a strong hand closed around your arm, gently but firmly stopping your flight.

“Y/N, goddammit stop!” Dean was panting as much as you were when he turned you to face him. Even if he was out of breath, he didn’t let you speak, not before he got out the words he had been waiting 15 months to tell you again.

“I love you. There’s only you. There was only ever you,” Dean promised you, only making your heart break even harder. You spoke as the thoughts entered your mind.

“How could you still love me? After the way I left. After I took Charlie from you. Dean you should hate me,” you sobbed as Dean pulled you tightly against his chest, desperate to comfort you. Even more desperate to make you see. Make you stay.

“Well I don’t. I never did. I hated myself for a long time, but now I know why you did it. You never meant any of those things you said did you?” Dean’s voice was soft as he pulled you back just enough to look down into your eyes, and you shook your head. You were done lying to him. Even as messed up as this was, you hadn’t felt this whole in months. He was your missing piece, a piece you weren’t sure you could take losing again after he had his arms around you, holding you close again.

“You did it to keep Charlie safe didn’t you? Safe from Amara?” Dean asked, gently brushing a strand of hair away from your face, and you nodded again.

“Y/N/N, she is no longer a danger to us. She is gone. Well not gone, gone but… long story actually, but we are safe. Charlie is safe. I promise,” Dean looked straight into your eyes, desperate for you to trust him, for you to see his words were true. “Y/N, you can come home. Both of you. Sweetheart, I love you. I miss you so much.”

The tears streamed freely down your cheeks as you looked at him in utter disbelief. How could he love you after what you had done to him. You missed him. You had missed him every minute of every hour of every day since you walked out of the Bunker, but even if he was ready to forgive you, you weren’t sure you were ready to forgive yourself.

“Dean, you were the one. You were always the one. I was so lost without you, and I am so sorry. I love you, but you can’t trust me.” Your entire body was shaking with tears and remorse, but Dean only smiled softly,  pulling you tightly against his chest and shielding you from the darkness in the world yet again, somehow even from your own demons and pain.

“Let me be the one to decide that baby girl.” Dean pressed his soft warm lips against your temple, and it was as if all your worries disappeared. You knew there were fences to mend. You knew you would have to fight to get back what you had, but Dean was here. He still loved you. He still wanted you. You trusted Dean with your life and your heart. You always had and always would. You would make it past this. You would be a family. Your own messed up version of one at least, but a family nonetheless.

“Samantha is a great idea,” you mumbled with a small smile, looking up at the man you had missed everyday for the past 15 months, and he laughed. Seconds later, his lips crashed against yours in a loving, passionate kiss. A kiss that told you just how much he loved you and had missed you while you were gone. A kiss that promised you everything was going to be okay between you in time.

When you broke the kiss, Dean wrapped his arm around your shoulder, tugging you safely against his side as he walked you back towards the house, his brother, and your son. “How about we go tell Sammy about that?” Dean teased, making you laugh your first real laugh since the day before you left him behind. Your light had reentered your life, and it had multiplied itself. You were going home with your boys. You were going home.   


End file.
